Self Love is Abundance

A letter to the discarded and under-appreciated

By Noél Puéllo

First of all, I would feel so disrespectful if I didn’t greet you with the proper hug. I hope you can feel the warmth of my body, I hope you take a piece of my scent with you. I also wanna apologize… at least formally this time. 

I remember feeling like you were all that was available to me but in all of the worst ways. I was ashamed of you because I thought others would know my truth based on your actions.

I didn’t have a penny to my name and you stood by my side without hesitation…

How long has it been 8? 9? 12 years!

Wow, it doesn’t feel like it.

My apologies will not start nor end with I’m sorry.

I have always felt that was the laziest way to apologize.

What am I supposed to do with that, I can’t wipe my tears with “I’m sorry”.

I want to apologize for saying how much I love you.

How every moment of the day I realize how much of you live in me. I was embarrassed because I too was discarded. At one point I had felt all of the love I had in me, leave my body and promise to never return. It was warm… it felt as though my body would finally overheat and no longer exist.

Until I met you.

Can you believe what we have done? Yesterday someone told me that she, “never would’ve dreamed I’d get to wear clothes like this!”

Did you hear that?

I want it to sink in.. feel it in your weft… feel it deep into the original fiber.

We make people feel special. Beyond beautiful, beyond joyous, we make them feel what we have lost.

Because of you, we slowly regained our strength… Can you feel it? Yes? You feel it?

That’s love previous.

She came back...slowly re-entering our bloodstream and discarding what no longer serves us.

We get to feel love.

I wanna scream it at the top of my lungs because you deserve it.

I want you to remember that you were never discarded or unappreciated to me..

I guess we were both just waiting to be repurposed.

Oh, what about, waiting to be reloved. I’ve always like that wording more.

We were always waiting to be removed. Hopefully, this second time is better.

Hope you feel what I feel.

Yours Truly,

Noél Puéllo

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Click to listen to conversation

with Noél Puéllo and Trinere Rodriguez

"Whenever I say the word intimacy, physicality always comes to the forefront... I’m really into mental stimulation. If you can't stimulate my mind, then I feel like the connection really won't be there."

"I like to give gifts. If I hear your favorite snack is gummy bears, I’ll go get them just to surprise you and let you know that I’m listening."

"I just want someone who's like able and capable and aware of like reading a room, reading me and like being able to understand where I'm coming from and that's basically it."

"I love when someone takes the time to understand me, to know what I like and what I don’t like without me always having to say it."

"Honesty is key. I would rather someone tell me the truth, even if it’s hard, than just sugarcoat everything."

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Model: Trinere Rodriquez

Photo/styling: Noél Puéllo