Self Love is Holistic

Your healing is sacred to you and can only be understood by you

Who is Farrah?

Her main interests are Holistic Medicine + Care, and Art in all of its forms.

Farrah Jean is a Front-End Web Developer by trade but received her Bachelor’s in Social Psychology and has a minor in Communication Studies.

She is a 30 year-old individual that is currently recovering from a vaccination that gave her mercury poisoning and has been curing herself from that and chronic pain with multiple holistic methods and lifestyle changes.

Her interest also include beauty as well as learning. She is constantly challenging

herself and those around her.

Why Cook ?

Why I Find Cooking to Aid in Health and Uplifting Your Mood

Cooking has been therapeutic for me, especially since I started getting sick in my early twenties. When I find recipes that resonate with my soul, I feel a sense of accomplishment especially when I create a flavorful dish made with love. Here are some ways that cooking can uplift your mood:

You feel amazing after creating a particular dish made with love.
You know the ingredients that you are putting into your dishes.
You are being active and taking control of your life by creating dishes
unique to your taste palette and also to what your body might need.
You can learn new cultures by learning new dishes.
You save money and time by cooking at home.

Hopefully these points help you to get up and get cooking! It is such a mood booster once you get into the rhythm of cooking.

Why Read?

Books take me to a magical place and also teach me many of lessons depending on which book I am touching upon.

I know I specifically wanted to highlight certain books that have recently changed my perspective in life. [list below]

So far these books have helped shape my mindset immensely and I must say I am a self-help junkie or into an overly compassionate read. I must feel like I am entirely immersed in what I am reading in order to really stick with a book. Once I find a book and tone of voice that resonates with me, I will make it my mission to read it daily. Reading books increase your memory bank, increase your serotonin levels as well as expanding your imagination. Being a bibliophile can be for anyone! And if books aren’t your thing, there are also audiobooks. In a later post, I’ll break down what I learned from the books I read. Each has been entirely life changing and I would highly recommend you all purchasing a few of them.

FARRAH'S MUST READ SUGGESTION

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson

“How to Relax” by Thich Nhat Hanh

“The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne

“Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom

“Feng Shui: How to Create Harmony and Balance in Your Living and Working Environment” by Belinda Henwood & Howard Choy

“1984” by George Orwell

“Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You to Know About” by Kevin Trudeau

“Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear

Self Love is Budding

Learning that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now but you’re growing.

HOME

Defining ‘home’ has been something I wasn’t able to do most of my life though I had been steadily searching.

I didn’t relate to many of my friends’ lives both in the United States and in China. Building my circle, my family, my home has been one of the most difficult things I have been troubleshooting since I could form words. I feel displaced in language, in my physical characteristics, in who I am supposed to be.

Using English as a language to communicate feels excruciating almost every day. Honoring my love languages with my loved ones and with myself is difficult too. For people who don’t speak English fluently or without an accent, there comes an amplified threat and fear of retaliation. I often think about how my ma gets treated based on people’s assumptions of what they envisioned her accent would be like.

There are words in English and Chinese that I had heard consistently and only until recently stopped triggering how I viewed myself.

Nowadays, “Ugly” can make me hide, smile, cry, flourish, and be confident.

One of my favorite memories include my friend and two men that came over to notify us that they thought we destroyed any hope of beauty and any success in life because of our tattoos because the conversation that came afterwards helped me develop the foundation of love for my body and another level of understanding of why I love the tattoos I have. The disconnection with my body comes and goes, but the love for my being is a steady up.

MA

The start for me was to learn about the systems that white supremacy rooted in this nation, in our education, in our food, in our language and, internationally.

I learned that hate and trauma was taught; I had to understand the context my ancestors, my relatives, my ma, and my love ones carry with them. I think of how many ethnicities and cultures have been in this nation for so long and how little connection and understanding there is amongst them. For example: there is a good amount of research that is conducted over the phone in English and Spanish, leaving Asian folk with low English language ability vulnerable and excluded from data to be utilized correctly.

The social constructs that we were raised in taught habits rooted from deep hate even if they show or are meant as well-meaning. Learning the history of a word, a practice, an establishment, a theory, an upbringing or even what integral component was omitted in our history books, you learn what the intentions were. Then, I had to learn how to forgive the hurt they taught and passed onto me. From there, I see the erasure of identities and traditions, hear the pain oppression and abuse of power holds, and feel the malnourishment and segregation people are capable of.

I acknowledge my part in destruction, upholding white supremacist teachings, and do my best to decolonize what was taught to me.

I genuinely get stuck thinking about how little hope I feel about community work and advocacy because the foundation of this nation is a black hole of human consumption. What home do I have for myself and what space can I nurture to communicate needs?

Being a child of a Chinese immigrant and single mother, I was taught not to stand out, excel in academics, be obedient towards elders and be grateful for what I have. One of my daily reminders was deep shame and guilt, constant reminders that I'm not succeeding or exceeding impossible expectations. I am not a musical prodigy, I did not go to business school, I did not pursue a career in the medical field, and I do not care to marry or become a housewife. This means, I am a massive disappointment to those who uphold the standards placed on Chinese femmes.

The big connection my Ma and I maintained to our roots has been through the arts, and the way we communicate with food. There’s nothing like shopping for the ingredients to cook your cultural dishes.

FOOD

Not only is food nourishment, it’s a love language, a tradition, and a universal communication language tool.

Since there is a cultural gap between my ma it tends to get difficult communicating how we feel about the world around us - working with food helps. Seeing her slowly interact with growing and cooking has been an honor and humbling experience.

Until a few years ago, I didn’t understand the deep impact that farming had on my ma. She wasn’t introduced to farming through a nurturing lens. As my ma lived through the Cultural Revolution in China, being introduced to farming was not through a nurturing lens. Farming was traumatic for her, it wasn’t a choice for her, she still carries trauma and triggers that she’s unable to unpack still to this day. From connecting herbs and crops that cross cultures to just re-discovering recipes our relatives and ancestors used, my connection with my ma wouldn’t be where it is now without the journey of naming our diaspora in food. My ma is an incredibly fierce parent and I am truly thankful to have been raised by her.

It’s wild how simply feeling comfortable, to be and to do you, can free and heal so much.

BODY

The space I’ve started to make for my healing has been my own body. The toughest challenges are dealing with physical pain and body dysphoria. I am starting to work with my pain, listening to sounds my body makes, honoring the limitations and pushing through pain to ensure longevity. Learning about pressure points and how I can alleviate stress and pain with medicine making means I need to love myself enough to want to.

Discovering my beauty and worth without erasing myself to uphold the standards that’s blasting on loop everyday of my life has been a tricky journey. There are times I’ll catch my reflection, and I think how I wish there was someone who looked like me, spoke like me to challenge and encourage me when I was young.

It took a minute for me to realize that like physical shelter, ‘homes’ need maintenance too. When I discovered that I don’t [check in] with myself, I realized that I’ve been repressing deeply and triggers would show up in actions that have historically been comforting. It takes a vast amount of time and effort for me to change a bad habit, but having a community and a core circle of people who love differently has taught me how to love myself in all my identities and celebrate my accomplishments. It’s wild how simply feeling comfortable, to be and to do you, can free and heal so much.

having a community and a core circle of people who love differently has taught me how to love myself in all my identities and celebrate my accomplishments.

Interview

Self Love is Abundance

A letter to the discarded and under-appreciated

By Noél Puéllo

First of all, I would feel so disrespectful if I didn’t greet you with the proper hug. I hope you can feel the warmth of my body, I hope you take a piece of my scent with you. I also wanna apologize… at least formally this time.

I remember feeling like you were all that was available to me but in all of the worst ways. I was ashamed of you because I thought others would know my truth based on your actions.

I didn’t have a penny to my name and you stood by my side without hesitation…

How long has it been 8? 9? 12 years!

Wow, it doesn’t feel like it.

My apologies will not start nor end with I’m sorry.

I have always felt that was the laziest way to apologize.

What am I supposed to do with that, I can’t wipe my tears with “I’m sorry”.

I want to apologize for saying how much I love you.

How every moment of the day I realize how much of you live in me. I was embarrassed because I too was discarded. At one point I had felt all of the love I had in me, leave my body and promise to never return. It was warm… it felt as though my body would finally overheat and no longer exist.

Until I met you.

Can you believe what we have done? Yesterday someone told me that she, “never would’ve dreamed I’d get to wear clothes like this!”

Did you hear that?

I want it to sink in.. feel it in your weft… feel it deep into the original fiber.

We make people feel special. Beyond beautiful, beyond joyous, we make them feel what we have lost.

Because of you, we slowly regained our strength… Can you feel it? Yes? You feel it?

That’s love previous.

She came back...slowly re-entering our bloodstream and discarding what no longer serves us.

We get to feel love.

I wanna scream it at the top of my lungs because you deserve it.

I want you to remember that you were never discarded or unappreciated to me..

I guess we were both just waiting to be repurposed.

Oh, what about, waiting to be reloved. I’ve always like that wording more.

We were always waiting to be removed. Hopefully, this second time is better.

Hope you feel what I feel.

Yours Truly,

Noél Puéllo

Click to listen to conversation

with Noél Puéllo and Trinere Rodriguez

"Whenever I say the word intimacy, physicality always comes to the forefront... I’m really into mental stimulation. If you can't stimulate my mind, then I feel like the connection really won't be there."

"I like to give gifts. If I hear your favorite snack is gummy bears, I’ll go get them just to surprise you and let you know that I’m listening."

"I just want someone who's like able and capable and aware of like reading a room, reading me and like being able to understand where I'm coming from and that's basically it."

"I love when someone takes the time to understand me, to know what I like and what I don’t like without me always having to say it."

"Honesty is key. I would rather someone tell me the truth, even if it’s hard, than just sugarcoat everything."

Model: Trinere Rodriquez

Photo/styling: Noél Puéllo